When You Cried, En Memoriam
by timenspace
Summary: a collection of songfics using My Immortal for Harley Quinn's point of view, and Imaginary for the Joker. One is a poem I wrote. For full discription, read.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: this is from Harleen Quinzell's point of view. If it seems a bit OOC, it is an offshoot of her character in Wanna Hear a Joke? where she is portrayed as a character with a serious remorseful side, troubled that she still could be in love with a sociopathic killer. _

_I'm so tired of being here__  
_I just want to sleep, but I can't. The regrets and the "not knowing" is just too much.

_Suppressed by all my childish fears  
_I suppose that is childish. To be afraid of everything. Of things I'm supposed to already know. Gosh, everyone but me was afraid of him. And I don't get why.

_And if you have to leave  
_But that's the point isn't it? I'm the one that left first. Didn't look like it broke his heart. Not one teeny piece.

I_ wish that you would just leave  
_But he's probably too far gone to care. If he isn't capable of loving, I'll understand.

_'Cause your presence still lingers here  
_Somehow, I wonder if loving him made me any better or any worse of a person.  
It sure enough drove me crazy.

_And it won't leave me alone  
_For some reason, I felt I had to come here. Nobody got it, so I do what I do best.  
I ran.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
_Something tells me that there still is a part of him that aches. There's got to be a reason everyone else was terrifed of those scars of his. And I wasn't.

_This pain is just too real  
_I can't say that I forgive him for being abusive, I mean, that goes just a little too far. Somewhere, I understand why, I just can't put it into words.  
It's just too painful.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_Too much happened between "us" for me, anyway. I doubt he remembers. For someone who creates their own memories who would remember love? There's a chance, but its small.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
_Maybe there's just something in my crazed mind that doesn't remember the bad things about us.

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
_He used to remember things, little things. Tiny things, like favorite food, that catagory... And one day it just stopped. It's like a cord snapped, and he was just obsessed with the damn Bat. Nothing against him, the guy is a bit of a freak, but hey, I don't have any say in the matter, right? I don't know what I think of him now. I used to hate him. We made a damn good team, too, Jacks and I. As long as he didn't recreate himself in the middle of a fight.

_And I held your hand through all of these years  
_I don't know why I stuck around for so long. Maybe I hoped he'd change. I know why I left though. I knew something was wrong. I had to prove myself wrong that there was nothing else in the world out there. I've proved differently. Problem is, I thought my feelings would go away with that, but no. I still love him. Don't know why, don't even know if I should.

_But you still have  
_And I don't know if I should risk getting hurt again. Who knows what damage I could do to myself by finding out?

_All of me  
_The worst thing is I think I know the answer.

_You used to captivate me  
_I used to like the therapy sessions, I didn't realize until later that he liked them better than I did. But for different reasons.

_By your resonating light  
_Don't ask me why I liked to smash things. Maybe it was a way of venting my frustration. I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know.

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
_I have to question my own motives for seeing him. Would making him regret make him snap? I doubt he even remembers what regret feels like. I don't want to just carry it all alone. And nobody understands like Jacks does.

_Your face it haunts  
_Who wouldn't be haunted by that face? Especially someone who's in love with him.

_My once pleasant dreams  
_There. I hope you're happy. I admitted it, me. I am in love with the Joker. A demented crazed psycho that kills. And I'm desperatly in love.

_Your voice it chased away  
_I don't know if it was his laugh I first fell in love with. Or the jokes.

_All the sanity in me  
_I was on the brink before, I guess it's like he says, "all it takes is a little push". He's right more than he thinks he is.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
_And I have scars, payment for trusting him. I knew the risks, sort of.

_This pain is just too real  
_I don't know why when everytime I see the face of someone we'd rescued. I'd picture him. And it would all come back in a jumble.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_Too much passed between us for me to just walk away, before he's locked himself away forever.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
_I know he's crazy. He doesn't even remember who he is anymore. He's recreated himself so many times, he probably won't ever remember the real Jacks.

_But though you're still with me  
_True, he'll be right across the glass. I don't think they'll leave us alone together. It's probably better that way, but I don't like it.

_I've been alone all along  
_I need to know the truth, even though I probably know the answer. And I hate it. He probably isn't capable of loving. And as much as I wish it were different, it probably won't change.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand for all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me. _


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: saw the Dark Knight for the tenth time. Finally noticed something: there is a scene where Dent has dinner with Rachel. And there is an attractively, cute, scar-free, no makeup Heath directly to his left. YOU MUST PAUSE THE DVD otherwise it looks like a stunt double (which is possible) It looks like HEATH, I swear it's true._

_Swallow it up for the sound of my screaming  
_You want to know what's so funny? I'm probably the only one in Gotham City that knows who the real Bats really is. And he's the one that told me. Don't believe me? Just think about it.

_cannot cease for the fear of silent night  
_I mean, the way he threw himself after her. Come on! And what crazy doesn't attend his own party? They said Brucie was there. And they oughta know. Come on! Does everyone count me for stupid? I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid.

_Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
_I mean even Har didn't know, would you believe that. Oh he did a good job. Masked it well. With a bat-mask. I mean, how demented can you get? He must be afraid of them, trying to conquer his fear. BAD way to do it. Something in Zen doctrine. Gosh, get creative.

_the goddess of imaginary light  
_It just wouldn't be right for everyone to know our little secret, come on. I don't want the whole city to know who he is. Now THAT would be a bad joke. The whole oil drum bullet trick? That was nothing against the district attorney. I didn't care about him. Just making Bats mad. It all fell into place after that. You turn a best friend into an enemy and what've you got? Chaos. That was the point.

_In my field of paper flowers  
_Some people choose their plans. I just go with the flow. I, truly make my own luck.

_and candied clouds of multiply  
_I mean when stuff blows to smithereens you have to start over, create a new life, right?

_I lie inside myself for hours  
_It's like dying and living, dying and living all over again. Right?

_and watch my purple sky fly over me  
_And I just get to tap the house of cards, and it all goes rolling down. And everyone loses their minds.

_I linger in the doorway  
_I didn't plan the whole thing. It was too intricate for me. I just set off the first mine. I didn't know there were a million others that got set off. See, that's chaos, you just have to roll with it.

_our alarm clock screaming monsters calling widening  
_People think I'm not scared of anything. Not really. As long as the voice of reason comes along with a boom, people will listen.

_let me stay  
_Creating your own luck is really going with the flow. It's where either is a bad choice. Doesn't matter. It's making your own luck.

_where the wind will whisper to me  
_Now, to me, flipping a coin weather someone dies or not, its just demented. But whatever. It's just not how I do things. Like a dog chasing cars.

_where the raindrops as there falling  
_Now let someone else choose between one or another. And it just works. It's either her or him. Both of them will probably end up dead, so I throw a little wrench in the works. One word of wrong directions, and it works. Bats is sooo gullible. He thinks a person like me would tell him the truth?

_tell their story  
_It's not that I enjoyed getting beat up. It was just soo funny that a billionare is a vigilante. For no apparent reason. And in love with the assistant DA. Is this how he expected to impress her?

_If you need to leave the world you live in  
_Now that's chaos. And its hilarious.

_lay your head down and stay awake  
_Don't ask why I went insane. I forgot years ago.

_though you may not remember dreaming  
_It's way easier now. I remember it like a muliple choice test. But the answers were burned. That means all the answers are correct.

_something waits for you to breath again  
_Sometimes real life is greater pain than the personal hell you've created for yourself.

_In my field of paper flowers  
and candied clouds of multiply  
I lie inside myself for hours  
and watch my purple sky fly over me  
_


	3. poetry

It just doesn't feel right to me  
Seems like everyone's moved on  
Everyone forgets  
Will all the past regrets  
Be rememebered in the morning's headache  
In an afternoon fight  
There's a face that's missing  
Among us, the living  
Torn like a page from a script unfinished  
Award speech unwritten

Maybe I'm crazy  
When I feel that I'm the only one who cares  
Named after a candy bar  
Like a forgotten file  
Maybe I'm just living in the past  
By being not awed by the West Wing buzz  
This is my 411  
Somebody call 911  
Cause everyone's got amnesia

_Heathcliff Andrew Ledger_

A/N: I know it doesn't rhyme, but I just got so frustrated with the Hollywood announcements last night completely ignoring the fact that one year ago, we lost someone.


	4. Chapter 4

**_(I'm sorry for the song, this is just what I though Harley would feel about Mista J)_**

**_I debated between this and Everytime We Touch, however that one is better than this, I think. _**

**_I DO NOT OWN THESE LYRICS!!!_**

_**She Knows He Had A Very Bad Day **_

_Where is the moment we needed the most  
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost_

She's sitting out the second job he's doing, probably blowing up another bank, or a hospital. It was his idea. She didn't like it, but she accepts his orders without any verbal questions. She knows he can already read her mind.

_They tell me your blue skies fade to gray  
They tell me your passion's gone away  
And I don't need no carryin' on_

"I don't want my Harliquin spoiled just for tonight," he'd said as she smears the red facepaint across his scarred cheeks. He'd grinned as she finished, giving her a kiss. The paint smeared on her cheek, and she grins at the memory...

_You stand in the line just to hit a new low  
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go_

...of the facepaint fight that turned into a night of messy walls, tangled sheets, and no regrets...

_You tell me your life's been way off line  
You're falling to pieces every time  
And I don't need no carryin' on_

one of the few times she actually was crazy enough to think he was really and truly happy, even though she knows now it all could have just been an act. She isn't sure anymore, wonders if its all just one of his cardplays for a partner in bed. But she wonders if any other woman would go for these games. Harleen Quinzell isn't just any other woman, she belongs to the Joker, she has a tattoo on her arm to prove it.

_Because you had a bad day  
You're taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

She's the only one who knows the truth about those scars she paints over those nights. She likes it when she doesn't have to, his eyes don't look so black without the facepaint.

_You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride_

He doesn't know she knows. And she'd rather keep it that way. He only remembers what the henchmen had enough time to tell him before...oh, she'd rather not remember how angry he'd been. It's not every day he comes out of the shell of who he is and tells her the truth.

_You had a bad day  
The camera don't lie  
You're coming back down and you really don't mind_

Well, not really her, he thought it was some girl named "Jenny". She knows that he loved her. A lot. So much so, maybe that's why he's crazy. He looked confused when he spoke to her, almost as though it were a dream or something. She didn't get a psychology degree for nothing to know that the girl is dead.

_Will you need a blue sky holiday?  
The point is they laugh at what you say  
And I don't need no carryin' on_

He didn't get those scars from his father, or "a misplaced sense of self-righteousness". Bits of truth hang in his stories, along with a lot of lies. It hasn't even been 20 years yet, but the wounds have crusted over. The scabs my end up falling away, but the deep scars are still there.

_You had a bad day  
You're taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

Where - and when, maybe if - Special Agent Jack Mitchell decides to return - and even if he never does, she will always be there, even if she has to forever play the role of "Jenny", someone she's never met.

_You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride_

She knows that he doesn't always tell the truth, but that was just a complete personality reversal that night. He was almost ... human.

_You had a bad day  
The camera don't lie  
You're coming back down and you really don't mind  
You had a bad day_

She knows there's gotta be a reason between him raging against the machine, sticking it to the man, fighting "the system. Even if he doesn't know why, she thinks she could understand it.

_Sometimes the system goes on the blink  
And the whole thing turns out wrong  
You might not make it back and you know_

He's got a strange kind of death wish. He knows his time bomb ready to blow up, but he'd rather see the world burn first. He wants to see them cower in fear at his jokes.

_That you could be well oh that strong  
And I'm not wrong_

He's brought out the worst - and maybe some of the best - in her, and even though she knows who the real Doctor Quinzell is, he doesn't really care. At least she and "Jenny" have one thing in common: she will always love him, no matter who - and no matter what - he's become.

_So where is the passion when you need it the most  
Oh you and I  
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost_

At least there's one thing that she can be sure of the truth, and never needs to doubt. She will always be his, and only his.

_Cause you had a bad day  
You're taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
You've seen what you like  
And how does it feel for one more time  
You had a bad day  
You had a bad day_

The Joker's Harliquin, part of his costume, and extension of himself, part of the partial life he's recreated for himself.

She will always be just his.

Just Harley.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Sorry, the last song was after a little songfic writers block**_

**_Disclaimer: Song is Natasha Bedingfield's "We're All Mad"_**

**_A/N: Try not to picture the cartoon Harley in this. _****_For some reason I picture her with dark red hair and dark eyes. But that's just me. _**

_Oh, I think the lady did protest too much  
She wouldn't take the flower from my hand  
_They wouldn't understand why she still loves him. After all, his turn-on is abusing her, drawing blood. As long as he can perform the stitches, its all fine, in his world.

_She only saw the shadow of my circumstance  
Perception can describe what makes a man  
_She has to admit her world is a little fantastical --if not fanatical. On the edge is not a good idea. Especially if you fall for a person like him. Too late now, she's already his, she's got her very own homemade tatoos to prove it.

_I didn't mean to interrupt your stride  
But a rose was all I had to give  
_Sometimes he doesn't understand her spontanaity. Even though he goes with the tide, floating your boat still requires something of a plan, and so her sudden ideas sometimes, well, she can just say they don't go over well.

_Sometimes beauty isn't recognised  
When it contrasts with what you feel inside  
_He probably doesn't care who she really is, but she doesn't know who he really is either. This newest thing he's pulling off with dissociation is so new, she gets unnerved when it happens. But there are those things she just keeps to herself.

_Who's to say the darkened clouds must lead to rain  
Who's to say the problems should just go away  
Who's to point a finger at what's not understood  
_Everyone in the medical community thinks he's demented. Well, he is, she admits only to herself, but he still knows what he wants. And just how to get it. Who said the world was perfect? No one. It isn't. She knows that better than anyone. She isn't perfect. They are all thinking she's just purely insane. But they're the ones that don't get it.

_Because, we're all mad in our own way  
Colours fade the grey away  
_Everyone has a different way of handling their anger. Throwing a wrench in the works just makes life interesting.

_Different people all the same  
Each reveals the meaning  
_Even Bats is a caged animal. Even though his retelling of their first encounter is probably distorted.

_We're all mad in our own way  
Fill the sky with different shades  
_Anger has a different way of venting itself. She isn't a cutter, killing is more her style. Might as well be with the best of the best of demented crimes.  
_Read the story on each page  
Each reveals the meaning  
_She'd never tell him that she knows why he subconsiously is like this. And she knows about the nightmares. Not even he knows about those.

_Each reveals the meaning  
_She knows she's trapped. But at least he loves her. Sort of.

_Sometimes I think I over analyze  
As if I cant control the time and place  
_He always says that she thinks too much. Maybe she does. After all, she isn't the one that calls all the shots.

_Life isn't something you try on for size  
You can't love without the give and take  
_She has to say that sometimes his ideas aren't as painless as she wishes they were, but at this point, she's ruined goods. She's not just going to be accepted in those "accepted" circles.

_Who's to say the darkened clouds must lead to rain  
Who's to say the problems should just go away  
Who's to point a finger at what's not understood  
_Everyone has judged them so easily. The City hates them. And she knows it. But who cares? He doesn't. She won't.

_Because, we're all mad in our own way  
Colours fade the grey away  
_She doesn't get the rage of the general populous over how great the black suit is.  
Isn't green and purple, red and black better?

_Different people all the same  
Each reveals the meaning  
_Everyone hates their life. They're lying if they say they don't. And everyone wants something different, something "better". She didn't get a Ph.D for nothing.

_We're all mad in our own way  
Fill the sky with different shades  
_And having the chips all against you just makes everything that more fun. Especially since everyone is insane.

_Read the story on each page  
Each reveals the meaning  
_She wishes she was a writer. Maybe then she'd explain -- but what's there to explain? People aren't all that different.

_We're all mad in our own way  
Fill the sky with different shades  
Different people all the same  
Each reveals the meaning  
We're all mad in our own way  
Fill the sky with different shades  
Read the story on each page  
Each reveals the meaning_

We're all mad


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: During the time that Joker lures Harley**_

**_please listen to this song. the tune is part of why its Harley._**

_I feel these four walls closing in  
_I don't get why I always feel trapped. Like it's me that's in the shackles. Me behind the glass. Me in that strait jacket.

_My face up against the glass  
I'm looking out...  
_He's so free of them, just so does not care about it.

_Is this my life I'm wondering  
_I always thought that someone else was living me life.

_It happened so fast  
How do I turn this thing around  
_All of a sudden, I've got this dangerous crush on him. They say he's a killer. Do they know what he's been through? NO!

_Is this the bed I chose to make  
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm  
_I'm only thinking of my future -- sort of. I'm not like everyone that's in those stiff white jackets

_Wide open spaces far away  
_He's obviously free, no laws of morals to tie him down.

_All I want is the wind in my hair  
To face the fear but, not feel scared  
_I've been afraid of alot of things in my life. But he doesn't scare me.  
Everyone else is terrified.

_Wild horses I wanna be like you  
_It's probably wrong to just want to just be free of all these regulations.

_Throwing caution to the wind  
I'll run free too  
_He's got the whole city as a playground. What made him a monster?

_Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to  
_You can't just create a killer overnight. No one pities him. Except me.

_Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!  
Oh yeah yea  
_  
_I see the girl I wanna be  
_I don't mind treating people, just it bogs you down. Ties you up.

_Riding bare back, care free along the shore  
_I'd rather go riding, like I used to. Free like the wind.

_If only that someone was me  
_I don't ride anymore, not since I took this job. There never is time.

_Jumping head first headlong without a thought  
_I've thought of jumping off buildings. Even Bats gets to do that.

_To act and damn the consequence  
_I'm in love. Mad love. And that's all there is to it.

_How I wish it could be that easy  
_I can help him, but he has to let me.

_But fear surrounds me like a fence  
I wanna break free  
_They think all their rules will save them.

_All I want is the wind in my hair  
To face the fear but, not feel scared  
Hoohhh woah woah  
_What is life meant to be, really?

_I wanna run too.  
Hohhh woah oh woah oh  
_What is it like to just run, and not care about stopping.

_Breaklessly abandoning my self before you  
_I'm starting to hate the system.

_I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel  
_The system that failed him. And failed again. He'd probably not remember if I said anything.

_Wild horses I wanna be like you  
Throwing caution to the wind  
I'll run free too  
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to  
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!  
Hooaah woah oh woah  
Yeah_

I wanna run with the wild horses  
Wanna go horseback ridin' Mista J?


	7. Chapter 7

_Joker's Life_

_Its My Life by JonBonJovi  
A/N: I didn't do this as a tragic representation. The Joker doesn't think that way._

_This ain't a song for the broken-hearted _  
The whole concept of it. Nobody cares.

_No silent prayer for the faith-departed  
_They're just stupid. Deluded. In their own little worlds.

_I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd  
_They haven't met me yet.

_You're gonna hear my voice  
_They shiver at my name.

_When I shout it out loud_  
But that's the point

_It's my life_  
The punchline.

_It's now or never  
_What's the use of telling a joke if no one gets it?

_I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)_  
I mean a time bomb is no fun if no one's counting down.

_My heart is like an open highway  
_Especially if the countdown isn't even for sure. And I don't feel a thing.

_Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
_Too many factors to consider.

_I just wanna live while I'm alive  
It's my life_  
But that's the fun of it. Not knowing.

_This is for the ones who stood their ground  
_You gotta admire the brave people. Or the people who think they're brave.

_For Tommy and Gina who never backed down  
_They're all cowards.

_Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake  
_They just think they've placed the bet right.

_Luck ain't even lucky  
_It's not as simple as the flip of a coin.

_Got to make your own breaks  
_But I don't make all the calls.

_Better stand tall when they're calling you out  
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down_  
I don't want power. What's the point of that?

_It's my life  
And it's now or never  
I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
'Cause it's my world_Some people think my life is a tragedy.  
That's not the point.  
The point is: it's my life.  
Deal with it.


End file.
